Hope you enjoy these very hilarious Mothers Day Quotes, while you lounge in your bathroom, hunched over the toilet seat, trying to hide from the kids, daydreaming of your vacation away from it all. Sipping a margarita on the beach, while enjoying the eye candy playing beach volleyball!. Take a trip, even if it’s imaginary, you deserve it!
“Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated.”
“Mothers of teens understand why some animals eat their young.”
“The two amounts of pasta I’m best at cooking: 1. not enough 2. enough for 3,000 people.”
“It’s spicy: universal Mom Code for ‘I don’t want to share.’ “
“I love my kids. Not enough to flip the fish sticks halfway through cooking, but I love them.”
“Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.”
“Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?” “I don’t know, ask your grandma!”
“Let’s get married and have kids so instead of enjoying coffee in the morning, you can braid hair while I pack lunches, and we can all be late.”
“They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.”
“A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day.”
“Important truth no one tells a first-time mom: Both of you come home from the hospital in diapers.”
“Please excuse the mess, my kids are making memories. Of me yelling at them. To clean up the mess.”
“Some days I do yoga and don’t yell at my kids. Some days I scream at them while eating cake over the kitchen sink. It’s called balance.”
“I love it when I find myself screaming ‘STOP SCREAMING’ at my kids. That’s how I teach them irony.”
“Other moms: Are you okay?! Let’s clean that up. I’ll take care of you.
My mom: Maybe if you listened when I told you not to do that, you would be perfectly fine right now.”
“A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He said, ‘Call for backup.’ “
“Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.”
“One minute you are young and cool, maybe even a little dangerous, and the next you are reading Amazon reviews for birdseed.”
“Kid: Mom, stop. You aren’t funny. Mom: I made you.”